Archive for June, 2003


Monday, June 30th, 2003

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him :
– You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea what some people will do to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are ?
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks :
– Could I have a blackboard and some chalk ?
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed.
-You really ARE Einstein ! he says. Welcome to heaven !

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks :
– Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk ?
Saint Peter says :
– Go ahead.
Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps.
– Surely you are the great artist you claim to be ! he says. Come on in !

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says :
– Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours ?
George W. looks bewildered and says :
– Who are Einstein and Picasso ?
Saint Peter sighs and says
– Come on in, George.

Thanks to Marie-Thérèse.

Previously on…

Monday, June 30th, 2003

Link to actor Dennis Franz as Andy Sipovitz in tv show NYPD Blue

Back in April I wittered on about the schedulers at Channel 4 moving the slot for my small red heart beloved NYPD Blue.

Having gotten over the death of Bobby, the arrival and now departure of Danny Sorenson, the departure of Arthur Fancy (helped by the arrival of the seriously cool Lieutenant Rodriguez) I’m fretting because Channel 4 have not announced any new series of “the finest police series EVER”.

So here’s a plea – would you all mozey on over to the Channel 4 discussion board and add a vote for another series of NYPD Blue? And could you maybe mention it on your blogs too?

Need persuading? Well our spies over at abc news reveal that Sipowicz and McDowell (Connie) will be getting together. Yep.

So pleeeeeeeeeeze, could you add a little vote?

I’m switching!

Monday, June 30th, 2003

Pat over at a blog’s life has been shizzolated by da one an’ only Snoop Dogg. Know what I’m sayin’?

So I bin and had me a sly ol’ shizzle too and I likes da results.

So English has-been Paul Daniels (former tv magician ‘n user of naff catchphrases) thinks that everyone should speak one language n’ shit. Like English.”

“Fe ddylai pawb siarad izzle iaith, fel Saesneg, yn hytrach na cheisio cynnal ieithoedd a diwylliannau bach n’ shit. ”

“Everyone should speak one language, like English, rather than trying sustain minority languages ‘n cultures.” ”

I could insult MistaDaniels in a number of languages.” But I’ll settle fo’ this, know what I’m sayin’?

Yo’ ass silly little mutha, know what I’m sayin’?

Now you muthas all know that I is gonna be shizzolating y’all?

Tip o’ the day

Monday, June 30th, 2003

This comes to you second-hand since I have neither children nor a dishwasher but I have it on very good authority that the best place to sterilise little Jimmy’s toys is in the dishwasher.
Apparently it’s a good idea to do it after they’ve been sick to get rid of those pesky germs.
Makes perfect sense, eh?


Monday, June 30th, 2003

To: Dept. of Homeland Security
Dear Sirs:
I am writing to you for further instructions to what the next step is for me to take in protecting my family from possible attacks by terrorists. I have my duck taped, more about now what?
Animated picture of a duck strapped to a wall with duck tape

A huge thankyou to Corryn for this.

He ain’t heavy

Sunday, June 29th, 2003

A man with no criminal record spent 10 months in a German prison instead of his convicted brother before anyone noticed.
After his 35-year-old brother Rudolf was sentenced to two years on a procuring and prostitution conviction, Norbert, 37, suggested swapping places, reports Hamburger Abendblatt.
The paper, which gave no last name for the pair, says they spawned the plan during a final night on the town in Hamburg on the eve of Norbert’s admission to jail.
We got completely sloshed that last night and Rudi was all tearful about being sent to the slammer,” Norbert was quoted as saying.
“So I says: “Hey, I’m out of work and have this drinking problem and need to dry out. So, I’ll serve your time for you“.”

Read the full story here.

Would you do this for a sibling?

Bowling for Columbine

Saturday, June 28th, 2003

By far the best review of Bowling for Columbine comes from Stuart at hydragenic.

Cancel all police leave!

Saturday, June 28th, 2003

Cathy mentions that there is to be a blogmeet in central London toward the end of the summer. It’s being organised by aquarionics and promises to be much fun.

Some of our favourite bloggers (gert, mike, dvd, karen and vaughan for starters) will be there. Even zed is going to try and swap the beer drinkers’ paradise that is Belgium for a spot of tepid ale.

I’m looking forward to plenty of bleary-eyed reports and embarrassing pictures. Go on, off you go.

Other wind

Saturday, June 28th, 2003

I’ve been enjoying visits to other wind recently.

Aside from the beautifully designed site, there is a journal:

I usually work with older records, from the time before ID, when people weren?t even forced to decide on a consistent surname spelling. I like reading the old names and keep a list at work of the funny or illustrious names I?ve found. I can?t remember them all at the moment, but these three have stuck in my mind:

Ananais McCoy Ananais is a name that needs reviving, for all the strong, silent men.

Prettiman Jones I pronounce this one ‘Pretty Man’ and see a smooth talker, gorgeous, African-American, tipping hat and winking at ladies.

Mordecai Mendinghouse This name needs to have its own poem, complete with a lonely, serious, bearded man, stocky in his black hat and suspenders, clopping slowly up a dirt road into town in his horse-pulled wagon. He likes his horses.

I’m catching up on the short fiction (white lilies and rain) and memoirs (try rinsing water).

Now I’m hoping that Wendy is going to tell us more about Aunt Faye…

Not a lot

Saturday, June 28th, 2003

So English has-been Paul Daniels (former tv magician and user of naff catchphrases) thinks that everyone should speak one language. Like English.

“Fe ddylai pawb siarad un iaith, fel Saesneg, yn hytrach na cheisio cynnal ieithoedd a diwylliannau bach.”

“Everyone should speak one language, like English, rather than trying to sustain minority languages and cultures.”

I could insult Mr Daniels in a number of languages. But I’ll settle for this.

You silly little man.

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