M gave me a Wacom graphics tablet for Christmas. I didn’t even know I wanted one until I saw it. Almost a week later and I don’t think I could go back to a mouse. I haven’t cracked the handwriting yet, except in Adobe Illustrator. With a real pen I have fairly nice, legible handwriting but most other drawing tools leave me feeling really clumsy, like that cookie baker Graeme found. But thanks to Anne, here’s one I can practice on - the PVS Drawing Board.

You know how awkward it is to turn sausages on the grill? Those pesky little blighters just roll away and won’t come back until you have a stern word and shake the fork at them?

Well I’ve just ordered some Square Sausage from Abe Froeman, Sausage King of Chicago, your No. 1 supplier of gourmet sausages from around the globe. It’s strange to think that these sausages will be going from Scotland, England all the way to Chicago and back again to England.

Many thanks to Falling Sky for the recommendation.

So nice to see that Texas narcotics officers are getting their priorities right.

A Texas housewife is in big trouble with the law for selling a v*brator to a pair of undercover cops, and the Brisbane v*brator company she works for says Texas is an “antiquated place'’ with more than its share of “prudes”.

Joanne Webb, a former fifth-grade teacher and mother of three, was in a county court in Cleburne, Texas, on Monday to answer obscenity charges for selling the v*brator to undercover narcotics officers posing as a dysfunctional married couple in search of a sex aid.

(more…)

Dizzy’s home - hooray! The operation went well and after a short walk she has slept all day on the sofa. After wolfing down a fine dinner of cooked liver and biscuits, she retired to the sofa to sleep off all that excitement. Many thanks to Zeno and others for the best wishes.

While I’m left wondering why a trip to the vets has me uttering silly, soppy baby talk to the dogs. Much as I love them both, they are dogs. I never refer to them as “the kids” or “my babies” {shudder} and although I do use pet names such as honey, babes, cariad and chickpea, I do the same with the humans in my life. So why oh why do I enter the consulting room and leave my brain at the door? I smile as the nurse tells Dizzy to say hello to “your mummy”, I sit on the floor and cuddle her, cooing sweet nothings in her ear… One of life’s little mysteries, eh?

Meanwhile the dreaded lurgy has returned, along with what seems to be the start of a cold so I’m going to sip some hot tea and think about another warm bath and an early night. A big apology to Graeme, I had planned a marathon linking session today to make up for the fact that he had to work but a quick peek tells me that he’s doing very nicely on that front. So I shall leave you in the capable hands of the blogroll and bid you goodnight.

Oh dear. This is probably not work safe, highly sacrilegious and might offend some. But dammit, it’s funny. Oh come all ye faithful….

And then there’s Gollum Rap which frankly [now that I’m out of the closet as being a non LOTR fan] I don’t get but I think you guys will enjoy.

[Many thanks to Glenn for both links] - now I’m off to catch up on the rest of the blogroll. A demain.

Just stumbled across Falling Sky. I’ve forgiven him for posting this picture without warning because of great lines like this:

I’m on painkillers and bizarre exercises advised to me by a doctor who looked like he’d walked off the set of Dude, Where’s My Defibrillator? that to the untrained eye will look like I’m trying to impregnate the carpet.

Heh.

I have just one New Year’s resolution this year. [I should have a list of about 40 things to improve my life but it’s just so depressing to realise in February that not only have you not carried out a single item on that list, you don’t even know where the list is in all the clutter.] So. One resolution: do one thing each day to make someone happy. It might be a good turn or a compliment; it could be for someone in the family, online or even for me, no matter, I’d like to go to bed each night with the thought that I’ve achieved something. Does that sound a bit Pollyanna-ish? It’s not meant to.

Anway, I’m starting early. Today’s good turn is to warn anyone landing on this site that they should not watch About Schmidt. Don’t buy it, don’t rent it - if you turn on the television and it’s there on the schedule, quick! hit the remote. Put the tv off and read a book. Ring a friend and have a chat. Just don’t watch this film. Why?

I wasted 93 minutes of my life watching this unrelenting, misery-laden excuse for a film tonight. Fifteen minutes in and I was casting glances at the off button. Thirty minutes in and I was wondering if we had a full bottle of paracetomol in the house. Forty-five minutes in and I’d almost lost the will to live. But why did I keep watching? Having seen The Pledge, I was lulled into a false sense of believing that Jack Nicholson can make more than one good film since One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest in 1975. Hah! People say he’s a fine actor. Maybe. I thought the lovely Kathy Bates would bring an injection of humour. Well she might have if she’d been given more than what, 20 lines? Am I the wrong age group? Is it aimed at a younger market for whom retirement is something your grandparents do? Can retirees identify with the characters? I don’t know. And I hated it so much I’m not keen on finding out.

Tomorrow’s good turn will be to take this video back to the store, get a refund and donate it the nearest branch of The Samaritans.

Question of the day: Why are there so many s-p-a-m emails around proclaiming “Get your c-o-d-e-i-n-e while you still can” ? Are they going to stop manufacturing it? Ban it? Does anyone know?

I’m supposed to be finding some things to distract Graeme from a boring day at work but the best link of the day (the fiendishly difficult bake your own cookies) comes from him. Sigh. Pressure, pressure…

…should be banned. Especially when you’re worried sick about your gorgeous dog who’s at the vets to be neutered. Yes I know that it’s a routine operation and the surgeon is wonderful but still. There’s always a risk with anaesthetic and she’s already had so much– okay, I’ll stop now. Will be able to ring in 53 minutes to find out how the surgery has gone.

So where shall we go instead? How about thinking up some fiendishly awful things to add to the list of Things to Annoy People at work:

1. “Hi-Lite” your shoes. Tell people that you haven’t lost your shoes since you did this.
2. Compose all of your email in rhyming couplets.
3. Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
4. Determine how many cups of coffee is “too much”.
5. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
6. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
7. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
8. Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
9. Include a piece of your children’s artwork as a cover page on all reports that you write (if you don’t have children - draw stick figures yourself).
10. Insist that your email address be “zena_goddess_of_fire@carlson.com”
11. Make up nicknames for all of your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point Sparky”, “No, I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi”.
12. Name all of your pens and insist that meetings can’t begin until they are all present.
13. No matter what anyone asks you, reply “okay”.
14. Page yourself over the intercom (don’t disguise your voice).
15. Plant a hedge around your desk area.
16. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over caffeine addictions–switch to espresso.
17. Put up mosquito netting around your desk.
18. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it “IN”.
19. Schedule meetings for 4:14pm.
20. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you are doing (ie. “If anyone needs me I’ll be in the bathroom”).
21. Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the email to a co-worker and ask him/her to settle the disagreement.
22. Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
23. While sitting at your desk, soak your hands in Palmolive.

If that doesn’t appeal, how about the truth behind the moon landings? Or Monekeyboy’s notes on How to impress a woman? Oh Lord, Graeme is tapping his fingers on the desk now, I’m going to hit Publish and go squirreling in the archives for some more…

…but unfit for blogging, bad case of gastroenter diahhr stomach flu. Hot bath and bed are the only things on the menu. Had a wonderful time in Wales, looking forward to catching up with you all tomorrow.