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You couldn’t make this stuff up

So nice to see that Texas narcotics officers are getting their priorities right.

A Texas housewife is in big trouble with the law for selling a v*brator to a pair of undercover cops, and the Brisbane v*brator company she works for says Texas is an “antiquated place” with more than its share of “prudes”.

Joanne Webb, a former fifth-grade teacher and mother of three, was in a county court in Cleburne, Texas, on Monday to answer obscenity charges for selling the v*brator to undercover narcotics officers posing as a dysfunctional married couple in search of a sex aid.

Webb, a saleswoman for Passion Parties of Brisbane, faces a year in jail and a $4,000 fine if convicted.

“What I did was not obscene,” Webb said. “What’s obscene is that the government is taking action about what we do in our bedrooms.”

The arrest of Webb in Cleburne, a small town 50 miles southwest of Dallas, was the first time that any of the company’s 3,000 sales consultants have been busted, said Pat Davis, the president of Passion Parties. She said the company was outraged by the charges and stood behind Webb.

“It makes you wonder what they’re thinking out there in Texas,” Davis said. “They sound like prudes, with antiquated laws. They must have all their street crime under control in Texas if they’re going to spend tax money arresting us.”

For the past year, Webb has sold the company’s line of v*ibrators, gels, l*bricants, strawberry-flavored n*pple cream and “edible passion puddings.” The merchandise is offered for sale in private, Tupperware-style parties to women who may be reluctant to visit an adult novelty store.

Among the company’s top items are a $12 jar of passion pudding in chocolate and strawberry flavors (“apply head to toe, wherever you want your lover to linger”), a $9 jar of n*pple cream in strawberry, raspberry and watermelon flavors, and battery-powered v*brators that sell for $17 to $140. The company also offers such l*bricants as Sl*ppery St*ff ($13), L*ckety L*be ($12) and L*cky St*ff ($11.50), and a $22 battery-powered item for men known as J*lly J*lie (“with soft j*lly s*licone l*ps”).

“Our products are not obscene,” Davis said. “All we’re trying to do is help people build loving relationships.”

Webb suspects she got in trouble because she ruffled feathers in town by daring to join the Chamber of Commerce with her sex toy business. She said her arrest had caused her husband of 20 years to suffer a nervous breakdown.

Webb said she was amazed that the town’s narcotics squad would be put on the case.

“We have a real problem with drugs in our schools,” she said, “and they’re using our narcotics officers to entrap me for selling a v*brator.”

So, run that by me again. While drug dealers are loitering around schools selling drugs to children, a team of presumably highly trained drugs officers took the time to set up a sting to catch someone selling n*pple cream. Has the world gone mad?

* Liberal sprinkling of asterixes are to avoid Googling, not to spare anyone’s blushes. But it’s making me giggle to think of the fun the I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue team would have with this story.

3 Responses to “You couldn’t make this stuff up”

  1. Ed
    December 31st, 2003 13:26
    1

    “Posing as a dysfunctional married couple in search of a sex aid..” They do vibrator sting operations in Texas? Is the drug trade off so much that they need to sting housewives selling dildos? Good grief, the state motto must be “Texas: Fighting hard for a 19th Century Way of Life”

  2. Word Shadows
    January 3rd, 2004 04:42
    2

    Only In Texas

    Thanks to a little help from ChasingDaisy, my faith in all things Texas is reaffirmed. Something about police going undercover as a disfunctional married couple is just too perfect.

  3. Word Shadows
    July 3rd, 2004 15:10
    3

    Only In Texas

    Thanks to a little help from ChasingDaisy, my faith in all things Texas is reaffirmed. Something about police going undercover as a disfunctional married couple is just too perfect.

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