Archive for December, 2003

Happy Holidays!

Wednesday, December 24th, 2003

And finally…

Happy Christmas + Nadolig Llawen + Joyeux Noel + Vrolijk Kerstfeest + Froehliche Weinachten + Hyvää Joulua + Feliz Navidad + Boas Festas to one and all.

May you have a peaceful day filled with love, wherever you are.

Christmas roundup 2003, part 1

Wednesday, December 24th, 2003

Alas, bathrooms don’t clean themslves (yet) so the planned vague idea of a 2003 roundup has to be postponed for a while but while I think of them:

How soon before The Manly Smell of a Book hits the shelves? Or LondonMark the paperback edition? Or A Little Pregnant tops the NYT bestseller list? Or for Ed to write a bestelling memoir? Some Blogger tips on getting a book deal.

Talking of Ed, here’s a little something to cheer you up. Heh.


If you are feeling festive, why not create your own typeflake [via geekgrrl].

Graeme has built a commenting system, hooray! Now those of you on broadband can get all nostalgic and let him know how fab his 56k modem emulator is.

I don’t think my mother is going to get as excited about her second hand Dell as this lad is about his new laptop. Bless.

And there’s a great reposte from Belle du Jour on the recent furore at her winning best written blog in the Guardian Blog Awards.

Sorry, it’s a bit of a hotch-potch this time but I’m dizzy with thoughts of jobs left unfinished. In fact, I squirted cleaning foam down the toilet an hour ago, meaning to go clean it within 15 minutes. Ahem. Hasta luego mis amigos.

Blog addiction

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003

Oh this is so good.

Totally Addicted to My Blog
(Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)

Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,
From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,
I’m happy — although
My boss let me go —
Totally addicted to my Blog!

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There’s beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Totally addicted to my Blog!

Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, “Yo, man!
Don’t you know tonight’s the senior prom?”
With a listless shrug, I mutter “No, man;
I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!”
I don’t phone, don’t send faxes,
Don’t go out, don’t pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I’m totally addicted to my Blog!

Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to my Bllllogggg!!! (Yeah)

[Written by Ozguru, seen at Squipper.]

Which ties in nicely with this timely warning from faut trouver un nom au blog.

Christmas Cartoon #14 and 15

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003


Santa has his own website! You can find out what he does during the summer (I thought he and Mrs Claus spent the rest of the year making toys but there you go). Lots of soft focus films about Lapland, the Elves, Santa’s post office, Christmas around the world, oodles more. Children will love it. Children with a fast internet connection. I think it would be quite painful on dialup. Oh and it’s in Swedish and Finnish too.

Anyway, here are the cartoons: #14 is A dog’s view of Christmas and #15 (especially for Amber) is all about Christmas cookies.

Meanwhile I’ve just finished work (hooray!) after an absolutely appalling couple of days (boo!) and plan to do nothing rush around like a blue arsed fly until I can cross out everything on the to do list.

  1. Put Christmas decorations up (I know, isn’t it awful, they’re still not up).
  2. Check newly arrived second-hand laptop (gift for mother) and install New Novelist software.
  3. Finish packing presents (3 more to go!).
  4. Food shop. Last year we went supermarket shopping for a few last minute extras like milk & butter and were astonished to find that at 11:00 a.m. on Christmas eve, staff were at the front door of the store practically giving away cut price goods such as cream (large tub of double cream for 10p). As we walked round the aisles we spotted items we’d paid full price for the day before reduced by 50-80%. So this year we’re taking a gamble and have done no food shopping at all. After a hearty breakfast at a favourite café we’re off to brave the crowds. “What if you can’t get a turkey?” I hear you cry. “Flexibility!” I reply. If it’s not turkey then it can be beef, chicken even poussin. To be honest, the poultry/meat isn’t that important, as long as I can get potatoes and parsnips for mashing and roasting, cauliflower and carrots I’ll be a happy camper.
  5. Put grandchildren’s presents upstairs before the dogs chew them.
  6. Pack bag for trip to Wales on Thursday.
  7. Text message to stepson #2 and wife to be, currently in Australia to be married.
  8. Clean bathroom, upstairs, downstairs, install new kitchen make the best of this kitchen or put nice smelly candles everywhere.
  9. Empty washing basket, clear pile of ironing.
  10. Catch up on all the blogs I’ve missed reading this week. Including some new ones such as Queerly Creative and faut trouver un nom au blog

Bonne nuit mes enfants.

If you do nothing else today…

Sunday, December 21st, 2003

…do click here for some infectious giggling. Bucketloads of thanks to purple pen.


Sunday, December 21st, 2003

I’ve drafted a letter to our local MP and I urge you to do the same: do take the time to write to your parliamentary representative, congressman, anyone who can get this stopped.

The new World Passport Record Records Bureau allows you to search online for passport details of citizens of most countries in the world, including the United Kingdom:

Welcome to the World Passport Record Records Bureau web site – where you can search our online database of over 6 Billion Passports information currently on file, absolutely FREE. Search our files with the form below.

Thanks to Colskee for alerting us to this shocking threat to our privacy.

Billy Connollly classics

Sunday, December 21st, 2003

We’ve just been watching possibly the funniest man alive today so here’s a sample.

Contains strong language!

Things I hate about everybody…

  • People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…
    I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
  • People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
  • When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”.
    F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can’t eat it?
  • When people say “it’s always the last place you look”.
    Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
  • When people say while watching a film “did you see that?”.
    No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.
  • People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”.
    Didn’t really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
  • When something is ‘new and improved!’.
    Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
  • When people say “life is short”.
    What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that’s longer?
  • When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”.
    If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?
  • People who say things like ‘My eyes aren’t what they used to be’.
    So what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?
  • When you’re eating something and someone asks ‘Is that nice?’
    No it’s really revolting – I always eat stuff I hate.
  • People who announce they are going to the toilet.
    Thanks, that’s an image I really didn’t need.
  • McDonalds staff who pretend they don’t understand you unless you insert the ‘Mc’ before the item you are ordering…
    It has to be a McChicken Burger, NOT just a Chicken Burger you get blank looks. Well I’ll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you Mcf*cking McTosser.
  • When you’re involved in a accident and someone asks ‘are you alright?’
    Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.

Christmas Cartoon #12 & 13

Sunday, December 21st, 2003

#12: Highway robbery.

#13: I feel ever so slightly guilty at posting this but what the heck, shop I think he would have laughed.

From the archives

Friday, December 19th, 2003

I came across this little graphic the other day and although I think most of you will have seen it years ago, it still makes me smile, so here it is.

Christmas Cartoons #11

Friday, December 19th, 2003

Friday night bonus, three for the price of one:

logistical issues when you’re made of snow

a timely warning for all those with chimneys and

a timely warning – the clean version (in case Shaide’s grandmother pops in for a visit).

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