Proud to be British

Be very proud to be British because…

Only in Britain… can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain… do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain… do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain… do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain… do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.


3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A & E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally…

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.


[via non blogging Jane, who didn’t check any of the stats either]

9 Responses to “Proud to be British”

  1. Ian
    November 4th, 2004 13:34

    The 9v battery thing is dangerous? I better stop that then.
    In the US – Injuries associated with carpets and rugs (in 2000) – 122,249

  2. Harmony
    November 4th, 2004 15:09

    oh. my. goodness…

    i hate to confess, but i’ve seen most of these attributed to the u.s. too! hehehe

  3. Karan
    November 4th, 2004 16:39

    It’s true, most of these are US events as well…but what I really want to know…what the heck is cracker pulling?

  4. Daisy
    November 4th, 2004 17:40

    Ah crackers are a great Christmas tradition:

    “In 1847, almost by accident, Tom Smith invented the cracker. It was a simple idea which became an integral part of British celebration and tradition which still continues today, 150 years on. In it’s simple form a cracker is a small cardboard tube covered in a brightly coloured twist of paper.”

    “When the cracker is ‘pulled’ by two people, each holding one end of the twisted paper, the friction creates a small explosive ‘pop’ produced by a narrow strip of chemically impregnated paper. The cardboard tube tumbles a bright paper hat, a small gift, a balloon and a motto or joke*.”

    Here’s a picture, how to make one but I think most people buy a box of 10 or so from the supermarket to use before Christmas lunch. You can get even really expensive ones containing Tiffany/Cartier trinkets for posh dinner parties.

    If you do a search for Christmas cracker you’ll find a wealth of information about them.

    * Take the word “joke” with a pinch of salt, they’re usually even worse than mine.

  5. Daisy
    November 4th, 2004 17:42

    Ian, I really don’t want to think about those injuries – the mind boggles ;-)

    Harmony, I’m happy to know that stupdity is a worldwide phenomenon :-)

  6. Stu Savory
    November 4th, 2004 18:01

    “Cracker pulling” is also a euphemism here in Germany for the escapades all those sexually frustrated GIs get up to ;-)

  7. Amber
    November 4th, 2004 18:42

    Well, I’m proud to be American we had 59,017,382 (ish) of our citizen vote for Bush in 2004!!! geesh!

  8. Karan
    November 5th, 2004 19:43

    Wait…I knew that but I’ve got a wee bit of brain damage going on this week…sorry about that.

  9. Neighbour of Teh Hoors
    November 18th, 2004 17:16

    Isn’t Britain great ? :P

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