Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the men actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.

“STOP!” He shouted in a firm voice. “Have you got a license for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. “OK” he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted “STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?” Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said “Carry on, ma’am.”

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding Captain Happy in his hand.

“Oh, good grief”, said Ethel, “Not the breathalyzer again!”

[via non blogging Jane]

10 Responses to “Ethel”

  1. FabGirlie
    April 28th, 2005 15:04

    Was NOT expecting that.

  2. maria
    April 28th, 2005 16:43

    LOL, totally unexpected!

  3. Daisy
    April 28th, 2005 17:46

    This just in:

    Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

    When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,

    “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

    Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

    “Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.
    Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”

    She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,

    “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”

  4. Alison
    April 28th, 2005 18:19

    I’ve read both of those before, but they still made me laugh today! Thanks. I needed that.

  5. Joan
    April 28th, 2005 21:25

    You find the funniest ones …and then I steal them :)

  6. mary
    April 28th, 2005 23:33

    Both new to me and both brought a chuckle and a hardy har har!

  7. Karan
    April 29th, 2005 22:00

    At first I thought I was reading a story about my grandmother and by the end, I was sure it was about her. :)

  8. felicity
    April 30th, 2005 20:10

    I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my stool!

  9. deb
    May 1st, 2005 19:46

    Wooooo! lol! Best jokes I’ve heard in a long time :))

  10. beancounters
    April 29th, 2005 09:02

    Friday Roundup: For Maya

    (Maya has to finish writing a chemistry book before close of business Friday, and finish a midterm, which means she has to pull and all-nighter (remember those?) and be basically a basket-case for a few days. So kid, these are

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