I received a mass of e-mail thanking me for this bit of truthful humor. Thank you, and I’m glad you enjoyed it! Most people requested that I repost it. So here it is, with A LOT more content.
I rescue, and foster, and have placed several adoption ads through Craigslist throughout the years. My inbox is flooded with messages all the time.
- To the people who message me with no information about themselves, or their experience with animals. You are only interested in how to get to my house, how big the animal is, and whether or not it’s free. You are not adopting my pet.
- To the people who aren’t going to be home, but ask me if I can drop the animal off at your neighbor’s house. You are not adopting my pet.
- To the 14 year olds who want the cute cuddly kittens, or bunnies. Does your mother know you’re scanning the adoption forum? Do you have a job to care for these animals? You are not adopting my pet.
- To the people who inquire about the iguanas but who openly admit that they have no knowledge of how big they actually get. You are not adopting my pet.
- To the people from Connecticut, Mass, etc, who message me and ask how far I am willing to drive… Well, I’m not. You are not adopting my pet.
- To the people who ask if I know any numbers of breeders and if I could get them a nice discount. Hello? You are not adopting my pet.
- To the people who ask if they can adopt puppies and kittens in pairs, so they can breed them when they get older… You are not adopting my pet(s).
- Once in a while I recieve a purebred cat, or very desirable breed of dog, or expensive species of snake that needs to be put up for adoption. These obviously get the MOST replies. Most replies consist of “I want it, e-mail me with pics.” Um, no. But thanks for playing. You… are not adopting my pet.
- Some e-mails contain “I’m interested in the animal for adoption. Please call me back today after 9, or tomorrow between 10 and 11, or again after 3.” No, I’m not taking these orders from someone I don’t know. If you REALLY want to adopt the said animal, then YOU will contact me when it’s convenient for ME. Otherwise… You, are not adopting my pet.
- Alot of the e-mails consist of “Hello, we’re 3 college girls sharing an apartment, and we want to adopt your kitty! We can offer lots of love!” That’s very sweet of you girls, really, but what will you do when you graduate college and move on with your life? Where will the kitty end up? You are not adopting my pet.
- And of course, only a few e-mails consist of, “Hello, we are a loving family of four living in a nice house with a fenced in yard. We have lots of experience with animals, and are looking for one more to add to our family.” YES. YOU are adopting my pet.
- Often times people surrender their animals to me because the animals are sick or injured, and the people don’t have the time or the desire to care for them. Once I make sure the animals are doing well, I will put them up for adoption. The SAME people who GAVE me their animal want to adopt them back. Are you kidding? No. Just, no. YOU are not adopting my pet.
- To the people who tell me that I’m selfish for charging a small adoption fee… SELFISH? If I were truly selfish, I would not be doing this in the first place, now would I? You are not adopting my pet.
- To the people interested in small animals and reptiles. When I ask you which veterinarian you plan on using, and you tell me that only dogs and cats need a vet… WAKE UP. Exotics get sick TOO. You are not adopting my pet.
- To the people who want to adopt an animal for a birthday or a Christmas present… That’s sweet of you. While your intentions are good, absolutely NOT. When the recipient of this animal decides that they don’t want it, what will you do then? You are not adopting my pet.
I’m sure there will be more…