On a more cheerful note
Put your average person in a television studio, pin a microphone to his chest and – well to be fair, how many of us would be up to the challenge? Not many, judging by these replies.
University Challenge
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Ghandi’s first name?
Contestant: Goosey, Goosey?
The Weakest Link
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what “J” is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.
Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Anne Robinson: Wh…?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!
Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and…?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?
Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!
National Lottery Jet Set
Eamonn Holmes: What’s the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
Chris Serle Show, BBC Bristol
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er… Mexico?
Family Fortunes
1) Something a blind man might use? – A Sword
2) A song with the word Moon in the title? – Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the capital of France? – F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? – Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? – A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal? – Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitler’s first name? – Heil
8) A famous Scotsman? – Jock
9) Some famous brothers? – Bonnie and Clyde.
10) A dangerous race? – The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath? – Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? – A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach? – A deckchair
14) A famous Royal? – Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn’t have an engine? – A bicycle with wings
16) A famous bridge? – The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does? – Goes to the toilet
18) Something you do in the bathroom? – Decorate
19) A method of securing your home? – Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs? – The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac? – April
22) Something people might be allergic to? – Skiing
23) Something you do before you go to bed? – Sleep
24) Something you put on walls? – A roof
25) Something slippery? – A conman
26) A kind of ache? – A fillet of fish
27) A jacket potato topping? – Jam
28) A food that can be brown or white? – A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies? – Bananas
30) Something red? – My sweater
Radio Lincolnshire phone-in
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain.
Steve Wright Show, Radio 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.
Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.
Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it’s not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.
This Morning
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show ‘The Sopranos’ is about opera. True or false?
Contestant: True?
Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it’s about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show, so I’ll give you that.
BBC Radio Newcastle
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
Bob Hope birthday quiz, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four
BBC GMR, Phil Wood Show
Wood: What “K” could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er…
Wood: It’s got two syllables… Kor…
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run…
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I…
Contestant: Walked?
Daryl’s Drivetime, Virgin Radio
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
But the best, best, bestest of them all is a wonderful lady from Liverpool faced with this question:
Sir Walter Raleigh is credited with introducing tobacco to this country. What else did he bring?
June 20th, 2006 19:27
This one got me laughing:
Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it’s not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.
:)
June 20th, 2006 23:54
All too funny, but “Heil” Hitler actually made me lol and I seldom lol.
June 21st, 2006 06:31
hehehehe
June 21st, 2006 09:57
Oh dear. Love the pot ate toes.
June 23rd, 2006 10:47
Some of them are obviously people taking the piss. Some people betray a current preoccupation (decorating hte bathroom!). Some are perhaps genuine mistakes in the heat of the moment (I took years to live down my answer on Fifteen to One that Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia are the Balkan states).
But far too many betray a basic lack of knowledge of language or a total lack of actual general knowledge outside a very narrow reference of popular culture. Or a total inability to think in the slightest bit laterally.
These people get to vote.