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Archive for January, 2007

Awfuquit*

Monday, January 29th, 2007

Just had a quick go at The Profane Game** but despite trying to remember some of Lyle‘s little gems (and *Karan‘s wonderful term which I use repeatedly and always see written as such in my head).

I scored a miserly 14 which I’m blaming on being British (why is arse not acceptable but ass is?) and not terribly imaginative in the cussing department.

The top score currently 140 – go see if you can beat it ‘cos I sure as shit can’t.

** MetaFilter discussion here.

Quote of the day, #45

Monday, January 29th, 2007

Eldest niece via MSN during a dicussion on dumping the boyfriend of two weeks (he’s already turned from charming to possessive), wants to change the way she speaks and dresses… oh count the alarm bells, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!)

I like me more than him so he’s got to go!

Where the hell did she get to be so wise at 19 years of age?

The one with the good news

Monday, January 29th, 2007

We were getting ready to go to the cemetry first thing Friday morning to scatter the ashes under the designated tree when a horse pulled up outside the house, its owner dismounted and we recognised her as Claire who works at the local kennels from which we adopted Frodo years back (they provide overspill for a rescue charity).

I didn’t blog about it at the time because, well, it was a horrible time so to cut a long story short, last summer we had a visit from a BT engineer, a lovely chap and a dog lover. He and Frodo got on well as we chatted over tea for over 30 minutes, head in lap, ears being stroked, perfect.

Then we moved to the hall and discussed the ongoing internet/phone problem, the engineer stood making a call on his mobile to test the line when suddenly Frodo charged from the other end of the room, pushed past Martyn and I and attacked the engineer, biting him twice on the thigh and stomach. The poor man. He was understandably angry and muttered something about making a full report. After much soul searching we ‘phoned the rescue group, explained the situation and they agreed to rehome him. Yes of course we wanted to keep him but with the two granddaugters, then aged 3 and 7, it was just impossible. The fear that he might suddenly turn on them was too much to bear. And then cried for a week.

But Claire came with wonderful news – Frodo has joined the army, is doing really well and is one happy dog. And I’m one happy human.

Like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup

Friday, January 19th, 2007

I’m sure I’ve posted this before but I’m too lazy to go look for it and besides, it still makes me laugh. A lot. And that’s what we all need on a Friday.

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners.

  1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
  3. (more…)

Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the internet…

Friday, January 19th, 2007

…up pops Joan (via Rhiannan) with the splendiferous Woody’s World alphabetized catalogue of penis euphanisms. Current favourite is “bald-headed yogurt slinger” but I have hours of research to complete still.
(more…)

Blogpimping #11

Friday, January 19th, 2007

It’s been far too long since I matched up two bloggers with similar interests and/or who I think would like each other so here we go – Lionel, meet Mr X, whose tagline reads:

The Sad Case Of Mr. X.

Assorted rambling of persons unnamed who somehow managed to miss out on all of the good bits in life.

And can’t spell. Or write, for that matter

Spotted via Harriet‘s comment box).

Mind your own beeswax

Friday, January 19th, 2007

A lovely grey, wrinkled elephant bum.
Photo by Anna Grist at Stock Xchng

Ever wanted to politely tell someone to mind their own business without offending them? Try this:

Wind it in, trunky.

I laughed solidly for three days the first time I heard that. Yes, I know, get thyself a life.
(more…)

Quote of the day, #44

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

I went outside and…

Here in blighty the roof has come off the lean-to and I risked life and limb to put some washing out, only to get my hair caught in a shirt button. The shirt was flapping wildly in the wind, took 5 minutes to catch it again and unravel my hair. If only someone had had a video camera handy, could have made submitted it to You’ve Been Framed and won £250 to fix the roof. Deep, dramatic sigh.

New tagline coming up: not safe to let this woman out unaccompanied.

Quote of the day, #43

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007

The villas and the chapels where
I learned with little labour
The way to love my fellow-man
And hate my next-door neighbour.

— G.K. Chesterton, online Collected Poems, 1927

Wined and dined

Monday, January 15th, 2007

Himself is taking me out on the town tonight, a rare foray to the cinema (The Last King of Scotland, can’t wait to see the brilliant Forest Whitaker in a meaty role at long last), followed by supper at a steak house.

No time then to muse on the fact that the newly discovered to fit underwired bra (lacy and lilac, thankyewverymuch) I’m wearing is so well boned it makes a perfect settling spot for a mug of tea when cwtched up on the sofa.

Nor to kick myself for using the last of my PayPal funds to register a domain that has wonderful subdomain possibilities (like ma.gnolia or del.icio.us). Except that it was 3 a.m. and I registered the wrong bloody one. Pffft. Still, the More Words website came in handy for checking words ending in [insert variable here]. I am such a twpin sometimes.

Coming up: “Daisy’s weight loss secrets” and “The pros and cons of losing weight”.

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