Archive for the 'Dogs' Category

Puppy seeks new home

Tuesday, October 14th, 2003

My neighbour has a puppy that he’s giving away free. It’s a small dachshund, very cute, and great with kids. He’s getting rid of it because his wife says it ‘stares’ at her and it gives her the ‘heebee jeebies’.

Here’s a picture of the dog. If you’re interested, or know someone who is, let me know.

Shaggy dog story

Monday, September 8th, 2003

This chap sees a sign in front of a house in Luton: “Talking Dog for Sale”.

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back garden. The bloke goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Sure do.” the dog replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The dog looks up and says, “Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5 about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.”

“The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded loads of medals. Had a wife, a few puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The man is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, “Ten quid.”

The bloke says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Cause he’s a damn liar. He’s never done any of that stuff.”

Canine flavour

Thursday, August 14th, 2003

wag and bone logo

As we limber up to sweep the boards at the annual Wag and Bone Show*, a few doggie links to get us in the mood.

First up is the Dog Dictionary, then there’s blogdogs (check the road signs section). Going on holiday and want to embarrass the pooch? And how about analyzing your pet’s name.

* this might be an outright lie. Ed.

Ben Hammersley’s best post ever

Tuesday, August 12th, 2003

Have lots of links to catch up on but it’s late, it’s hot and I’m off to bed. Just one for all you dog/music/technology fans out there: Ben Hammersley’s best post ever.

Dog blog

Sunday, July 6th, 2003

Holy macaroni, rx more dogs to drool over. Chris Pirillo has a new dog blog. Pictures like this and these two cuties.

Hey Karan, online I think they need a picture of Riso!

Thanks to Dog News for the link.

Mission accomplished (almost)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2003

Graeme wonders whether PawSense would be suitable for dogs. Ahem. Have you seen the size of the average German Shepherd? If Frodo landed on the keyboard I think I’d be more worried about the desk collapsing than a broken keyboard, “damage to files or even a computer crash”. As for the other little monster, well she’s far too ladylike to even think about clambering up on the desk…

It sounds like a great idea though. Have passed it on to a non-blogging friend with cats and will report back.

One last little

Friday, June 27th, 2003

doggie link. Although this is quite a download, I promise you it’s worth it. Especially if you’re a closet Grease fan.

Update: the ‘doggie link’ is no longer working so I’ve put it up here. It’s a display by dog trainer Carolyn Scott and her dog Rookie dancing to ‘You’re the One That I Want’ from the movie Grease and it’s 1.6mb. But well, well worth it.

Clever dog

Monday, June 16th, 2003

There’s a guy who has a dog that doesn’t obey him. Then he sees an ad in the paper for a great dog trainer. So, he decides to go to the dog trainer and get his dog trained.

The guy walks in the room and asks,
“Can you train my dog, and are you a good trainer?”
The trainer replies, “Well, I can train your dog, and I will give you a demonstration of how good I am.”

He dumped a box full of bones on the floor and blew a whistle. The first dog came in and made a skeleton with the bones.
“Wow!” said the guy, “What kind of dog is that?”
“That’s a nurse’s dog” said the trainer.

Then he blows the whistle again and a second dog comes in the room. That dog makes a big building. The man says
“Wow! What kind of dog is that?”
“That’s an architect’s dog” replies the trainer.

Then the trainer blows the whistle again and a third dog comes in. That dog takes the bones, screws the other two dogs and runs away.
“Wow! What kind of dog is that?” says the man.
“That’s a lawyer’s dog.”

How Many Dogs?

Tuesday, June 10th, 2003

How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Golden Retriever
The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie
Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

Make me.

Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?

German Shepherd
I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.

Irish Setter
I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.

I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Cocker Spaniel
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

While it’s dark, I’m going to sleep on the couch.

Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Yo quiero Taco Bulb

Irish Wolfhound
Can somebody else do it? I’ve got this hangover.

I see it, there it is. There it is, right there..

It isn’t moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd
First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

Old English Sheep Dog
Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb?

Hound Dog

Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light?

Moral of the tail tale? Dogs have masters, cats have staff.

Frodo update

Tuesday, June 10th, 2003

We saw the vet last night. He was very sympathetic, agreed that it has a lot to do with Frodo’s age (at 17 months he’s the equivalent of a spotty teenager). And surprisingly, he also said that it was “very unwise” to try and pull a dog out from somewhere (under the table in this case).
He recommended a session at the (hideously expensive) Company of Animals centre. If the name Roger Mugford rings a bell, he’s the chap who spoke as the expert witness for Princess Anne
Will I have to curtsey if we meet him?
So M has rung the resuce, Frodo is to stay with us for the time being. We’ve bought a muzzle and will start to get him used to wearing it. And now we go back to basic training.
Thank you for the comments and emails, all very much appreciated.
Normal service, i.e. brainless chitter chatter and linking will now be restored.

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