…but it’s late-ish on a Sunday night and it just appeared (again) in my inbox. Sasha’s little gift.
Archive for the 'Late Night Daisy (R Rated)' Category
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night.
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”.
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
Spoof or not, these are scary videos.
A ghost crossing the road?
You might miss this one but it’s worth a look, footage from security cameras at the London Dungeon.
…from non blogging Jane: Why women watch the World Cup.
I’ve a feeling it will be classed as rather NSFW so it’s embedded after the fold.
If you have any problems viewing, let me know and I’ll try fixing it send you the .wmv by email.
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the men actually joined in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched.
“STOP!” He shouted in a firm voice. “Have you got a license for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. “OK” he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted “STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?” Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said “Carry on, ma’am.”
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator, which he put up on the bar. Turning to the astonished patrons, he said:
“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. The alligator will close his jaws for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for
witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”
The crowd murmured their agreement.
The man stood up on the bar and dropped his trousers, placing his privates in the alligator’s mouth. The alligator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The alligator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” A hush fell over the crowd.
Then a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde girl spoke up timidly.
I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way. My friends encouraged me. And my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.”
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her p@nties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”
The moral of this story is: