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Photo by Matchstick at Stock Xchng

Making pastrami (eeeuw) and horseradish sandwiches for himself at 05:45 in the morning.

The natural conclusion to the last two posts is to ask you to write your own personal ad.

If you’re snuggled in divine coupledom, think back to those carefree swingle days and let your imagination run riot.

If you’re currently single, well, what are you waiting for!

Thanks to Zeno for pointing us in the direction of the New York Review of Books classifieds. The listings are very different but equally charming:

ARE YOU the brisk-walking, 60–65-year-old-looking man, who might have been watching me dodge traffic in NYC recently, and with whom I might have made eye contact? You wore a philosophical smile, and carried no cautionary umbrella, optimist that you are. Perhaps you carried a book under your arm. I am of similar age and temperament. We should meet for real. NYR Box —.

BAKES A GREAT CAKE. Wild woman with glorious garden ISO hoochie-coochie gentleman ready to put down a root or two. Shade or sun?

PRETTY, PROFESSIONAL DWF, warm, smart, happy, trim. Seeks honest, accomplished D/WWM, approx. 55–67, for friendship, possible LTR. NYR Box —.

I’m trying to work out what DWF stands. For a few seconds I thought it was dwarf but that’s not likely… is it?

… a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love”
— Lord Alfred Tennyson

Cue the London Review of Books (LRB) personals:

Massive-breasted heiress, abortion 38, nurse seeks witty Nobel-awarded intellectual beef-cake gardener-chef-poet with stonking pecs. Like me, side effects you are dynamic, hilarious, serious, ironic, passionate, practical, affectionate, kind, funny, have most of your own legs, and are startled to find yourself still cruising the aisles of the Lurve Bazaar. Unlike me, you don’t exist. Am I right? If so, will consider any M who can make conversation, sense, a living, friends, four cooked meals, hot love and me laugh. Box no. 07/01

Woman, 43, would like to meet a man – any man – whose evolutionary path isn’t that of Homer Simpson. Suspecting that’s too difficult, I may go lesbian. Box no. 08/10

I like you because you read magazines with big words. And you’ve got great booblies. I can live without the first. But the second is non-negotiable. Shallow man, 34. When I say ‘shallow’, I mean, damn. Box no. 08/08